If you’re not in the habit of loving yourself, you may not know how. Loving yourself is the same as loving others. It comes from a genuine place of caring and empathy. We love others that we like and believe bring something to the table – relationship-wise.
We may care for others and even like others, but we love and nurture those we have close bonds. No relationship should be closer than your own relationship with yourself. So, how do you love yourself properly?
Here are three exercises that will help you love yourself more and make it easier to express that love:
Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is a big deal. Before we can forgive, we must have a graceful heart that desires change and acceptance. Forgiving others is sometimes easier than forgiving ourselves because we are taught we can forgive a person without accepting what they did to offend us. So, how do you forgive yourself while letting go of the offense? It’s pretty easy if you use this exercise.
Begin by journaling, meditating, or sitting in a safe place. Spend time thinking about what it is you are upset about. Without defending what you did or what happened, try to understand the why behind the behavior. Oprah Winfrey often quotes her mentor Maya Angelou who said to her “You do better when you know better.” As you spend time thinking about your personal and intimate transgression, offer yourself the grace of forgiveness, knowing that you now know better and will do better from now on.
As time goes by, repeat this process over and again whenever you need to get honest and forgive yourself. Practice acknowledging where you went wrong and making a new commitment to yourself to do better.
Spoil Yourself
Well-adjusted people have the ability to pour into themselves regularly. Dysfunctional people wait for others to do it. Why? Well-adjusted people don’t get their validation or worth from outside sources. Waiting for someone else to predict what they need isn’t the fastest path to love. Well-adjusted people love themselves by being kind and generous on their own. Giving to yourself – who knows you better than you?! – fills your cup and helps keep your mood and mental health in top condition.
Depending on your love language, you feel loved and spoiled in different ways. Some people love hearing how much they matter, some love gifts, and others love quality time. Give yourself what you love in the manner you prefer and fill your own cup. If you love being pampered, schedule regular massages, mani-pedis, or other spa favorites. If you love quality time, take yourself to the movies and grab a big bag of popcorn and some chocolate candy to mix in.
Honor Yourself
Like spoiling yourself, being your own champion and honoring yourself is an act of self-love. Guarding your heart in a healthy way and setting boundaries that honor your time and space are both important ways to honor yourself. In the same way, dysfunction looks to others to say we are worthy of honor. Highly functioning people know they deserve to be cherished and respected.
Knowing what you stand for, what your limits are, and enforcing these standards is easier than you think. There will come a time when someone treads on your standards. They may even tell you that your boundaries are wrong or selfish. Hold firm to your limits and honor your standards and love yourself – even against their opinion.
These exercises are three fine ways to pour love into your life. Being the most loving you can be to yourself is what makes it possible for you to love others with a healthy heart, mind, and body.
